I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
