Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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