he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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