I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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