i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
