i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
