Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
