Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
