I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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