Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
