I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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