I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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