South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
