people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
