Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
