hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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