omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
