I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
