Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
