Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
As shirtless as possible
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
