You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
