FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
