I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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