I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
birth control should be required to get into college
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
