In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize