yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize