guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
