She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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