i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
