I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
