Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
