why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
