How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it hurts more in the daytime
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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