They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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