turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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