I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize