Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
