my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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