Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
