Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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