Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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