Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
