i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
