just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
