I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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