I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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