One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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