i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
