dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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