awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
