We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
