He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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