You work out of a Hotel?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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