I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
