I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
