if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
