I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
