I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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