conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
