He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
