that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
