If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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