I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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