i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
