You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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