Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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