Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
