Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
