Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
