yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize